


A Matter of Circumstance

by generic_cruiser



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Daisy was totally the prime philinda shipper, F/M, Gen, Philinda - Freeform, fluff i guess?, s5, we're working out emotional problems today
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 20:28:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28980372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/generic_cruiser/pseuds/generic_cruiser
Summary: May works through some emotional shit, with the help of Daisy. And then Coulson gets even more confused.Set in s5, when the team is trapped on the surface in Z1
Relationships: Melinda May & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson & Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson & Melinda May, Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 3
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> We're switching POVs now! And the last part is in present tense instead of past tense, which was mostly by accident, but I kept it because it worked. Anyways, I am a huge philinda shipper so here is a fic about them because I feel like they glossed over how May figured out her shit. This is very much an emotional deep dive, because why not.

Something was off, something that May couldn’t place her finger on. It bothered her, the intense feeling that something was wrong, but having no idea what it could possibly be. There were so many things going on, so many things that were wrong that figuring out this one small thing that was bothering her was proving to be difficult. Which was incredibly annoying.

She tried to analyze the problems they were facing the way Fury taught her to, going over facts in her mind trying to find a cause for her unease. Which didn’t help at all. The unease continued as she wandered around the Zephyr, trying to find something to do. May did about five laps around the plane, passing her team and the various Lighthouse refugees as she walked. She probably looked a little ridiculous, but whatever. It was better than sitting around feeling useless. 

She passed Coulson for about the sixth time, returning his small smile with one of her own. And that’s when it hit her, hard and fast. The thing that was bothering her, it was  _ him. _

Shit. Of all the things May could be worrying about, her mind was focused on Phil. As usual. But this time it wasn’t the usual fear of what was coming and how it would affect him (because it always does), it was something else. Something a lot scarier, if that was possible. 

~

Daisy was so ready to get off the plane. There was pretty much nothing to do except attempt to fix 100 year old technology, and make awkward small talk with the people who thought she quaked the world apart. There was her team, too, but they all seemed more wrapped up in their own problems. So she secluded herself in a more closed off area of the Zephyr, messing around with various systems trying to get something working.

“What was LMD me like?” 

Daisy looked up from the wires she was fiddling with to look at May. She was standing there awkwardly, looking just as surprised as Daisy that she had asked that question. 

“What do you mean?” Daisy asked, mostly for clarification. And also for an understanding of what the fuck got May to ask that in the first place. 

May picked at the skin on her palm. “Why did it take you guys so long to figure out it wasn’t me? What was she -it- like?” 

“Oh.” Well this was certainly less boring than wires. Definitely more confusing though. 

“Um, it was basically you. It acted just like you would, because it had your mind, your memories. Until the Darkhold. Radcliffe had programmed it to get that stupid book by any means necessary, but to act like you usually would until it couldn’t anymore. We genuinely thought it was you, until it stole the Darkhold and fought us.” 

May grimaced. “So, it acted around you guys the way I would have?” 

Daisy nodded. “Pretty much.” She didn’t add that they technically couldn’t know, due to the situations they were in and some other shit Jemma had talked about in hushed tones with Daisy when they were working to get May back.

May continued to stand awkwardly, as if Daisy’s answers had confirmed something she had feared. Which was unlike May. Not the fear part, Daisy knew enough to know that May was plenty afraid a lot of the time, but the fact that she was showing it. Daisy couldn’t tell if it was because her SO wanted her to see these emotions, or if she was having trouble containing them.

“...Um, what made you ask?” A dangerous question, but Daisy was curious. 

“I was just thinking...I wanted to make sure I didn’t hurt any of you.” Daisy nodded again. Even though she was 80% sure that wasn’t the whole story, she was content with leaving it at that.

Except she felt she should console May somehow. “You didn’t hurt any of us. You -it- didn’t fight us, and we all knew it wasn’t actually you once it did. We don’t blame you, May. Coulson was pretty broken up when he realized you were gone, but…..” She trailed off as her SO went rigid at Coulson’s name. 

Well that was….something. Definitely not what Daisy had expected, but it gave her some insight to why May was inquiring about her robot self.

She shifted on her feet, and decided to try something. “The other you, she told me a story about you and Coulson. When you guys were on mission in Madrid, I think it was, and Coulson let you drive Lola.” 

May relaxed, a fond look passing over her face as she nodded at the memory. Daisy couldn’t help but smile a little. 

“After she told me, I asked if anything had...happened between you two. While I was gone.” 

May straightened, her nervous look returning. “What did it say?” 

“It didn’t get to say anything, we were interrupted. But I could tell….even if nothing had happened….you guys love each other.” 

Shit shit shit shit. Daisy hadn’t meant to say that last part, it had sort of come out, and now here they were. May, her awkward stance resuming, eyes wide with shock, and Daisy, trying very hard not to look scared for her life, sure she was going to be dead for what she had just blurted. 

“Daisy,” May started, but Daisy brushed past her SO, desperate to escape the situation she had just put herself in. 

“I gotta go, um, sorry.” 

~

The only person May felt comfortable talking to about her unease gave her more. Great. And now Daisy was avoiding her, blushing every time they passed. The worst part was, the more May thought about it, the more she realized that Daisy was right. They needed to talk again. May, even though she would never say it, needed Daisy’s help.

Cornering Daisy proved difficult, but May managed to make up some bogus electrical problem to get her back in the room they had talked in earlier. 

“There doesn’t seem to be a problem, May.” 

May shut the door gently, trying not to make Daisy too nervous. “I know.” 

The door clicked shut, and the younger agent’s head shot up, a panicked look on her face. May put her hands up placatingly. 

“May if this is about what what I said earlier-” 

“It is.” No point in dancing around the subject. 

“I’m sorry, I was out of line saying that, I don’t even know what I was thinking-” 

May grabbed Daisy’s hands. “Daisy, it’s fine.” 

Daisy stared at her hands, not even trying to hide her surprise that May was holding them. Or her surprise that she wasn’t mad about what Daisy had blurted earlier. May eased the two of them onto one of the random boxes that seemed to be everywhere on the plane.

“I asked to talk because I think you’re right, at least on my part. I don’t know if Coulson-” 

“May, he loves you. A  _ lot. _ I think he has for a long time.” The grip the younger agent had on May’s hands got tighter.

May pursed her lips. “That’s the problem.” 

Daisy leaned back, releasing May’s hands and folding her arms. “Why the hell is that a problem?” 

May couldn’t help but look down under Daisy’s gaze. She valued the younger agent’s opinion more than she let on, but there was no way she could explain this. Phil and her were impossible, as much as she wished they weren’t. 

There was always a  _ thing _ stopping them from just being a “what if,” some person or action that held them back. They had been an unspoken question since the academy, but missions and the spy life held them off. May had seen relationships crumble under that kind of stress, and she valued Coulson’s friendship too much to let that happen. Then Russia, a moment they had gotten so close to answering that question, but this time Andrew got in the way. May loved him, yeah, but there was always something off. Something that made her turn to Phil when Bahrain happened, something that let him drag her onto the Bus with little resistance. She wanted this time to be the answer, but May couldn’t help feeling like Phil was resisting the way she had every other time. Like that  _ thing _ had already happened…. 

A large boom shook the plane, replacing May’s thoughts about Coulson with ones about what the fuck that possibly could’ve been. With a single look, May and Daisy agreed to drop their conversation and bolt out of the room, ready to help the team with whatever crisis they were now facing. Yet another thing, getting in the way.

~

_ “May, he loves you. A  _ lot _. I think he has for a long time.”  _

_ “That’s the problem.”  _

“Another gravity storm is kicking up!” 

“Seriously? We escaped those asshole aliens, made it up to the surface, and now there’s a goddamned gravity storm!?” 

_ “I think he has for a long time.”  _

“What can I say, the universe hates us!” 

“No it doesn’t, now help me secure this cargo so it doesn’t fall on our heads.” 

_ “That’s the problem.” _

“Coulson, look out!” 

Daisy’s voice rings out, breaking Coulson from his daze. He looks up to see a large box falling, and rolls away just in time. Daisy and May both breathe visible sighs of relief as the box clangs to the floor, harming no one. Coulson stares at them for a second, the conversation he had overheard fresh in his mind. 

May gives him one of her rare small smiles. 

_ “That’s the problem.”  _

Coulson returns it on instinct, then looks away as quickly as he can. 

_ “Why the hell is that a problem?”  _

Daisy had asked the question Phil so desperately wanted the answer to. He hadn’t gotten one, which somehow comforts him, no matter how curious he is. As much as stuff has changed, Melinda May still is uncomfortable talking about emotions. It’s kind of a sad thing to rely on, but it’s something that hardly ever changes. And yet it’s incredibly frustrating. As much as Phil admires May’s ability to remain unchanged, he really wants to know her answer to Daisy’s question. 

Phil feels eyes staring at him from May’s direction. He had been moving on instinct as he thought, helping Simmons secure cargo, but May’s gaze stops him cold. Options race through his head, none of them appealing. He considers ignoring her, but she most likely knows that he’s aware of her staring, so that’s not a good idea. He could meet her gaze, but that’s not a good idea either. Phil wears his heart on his sleeve, and he’s known May so long that she can read him too easily. If he meets her eyes, there’s a 100% chance she’ll know what he overheard and how he feels about it. Which will lead to awkward stares and conversations he would rather avoid. And he knows May wants to avoid them too.

So Phil quickly makes sure that Simmons can handle what she’s doing on her own, and he turns to May. He gives her another small smile, meeting her eyes briefly. Hopefully not long enough that she reads him like a book. May returns the smile, and this time she’s the one who turns away, walking over to Daisy. Phil watches them converse softly, biting his lip. 

He is so inevitably screwed.


	2. Very Inevitably Screwed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back in the present and the lighthouse, May and Coulson continue to have ~emotional problems~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone (I don't remember who) requested that I add another chapter, so here you go! I also tried to add some Daisy & Simmons sisterly parts, because yall seem to enjoy those (I have a fic that's in the works for that).

It's not like Phil was expecting everything to be perfectly fine when they got back from the literal future. They were, of course, fugitives from some form of the law, although an international manhunt was a bit of a stretch. But they couldn't even throw a party to celebrate surviving genocidal aliens without worrying that someone would spot them getting groceries. At least there were agents, doing work and making their situation feel somewhat normal. To be fair, none of their situations were ever normal, but the idea of having people working to help protect humanity made Phil happy. S.H.I.E.L.D. was still going, its legacy was going to continue. Hopefully his legacy would too. 

It was inevitable, the team finding out. And he didn't regret his decision, he's made peace with death before. He hadn't really thought through how he was going to tell everyone, especially Daisy. And May. 

If May suspected that Coulson overheard her conversation with Daisy, she didn't show it. Which was unhelpful, considering that she could absolutely know that he overheard and he would have no clue. She had let her guard down when they talked about his...injury, and what it meant for them, but he still felt somewhat in the dark. He knew May wasn't exactly okay with his decision, and he could make peace with that, but he really didn't want her getting hurt. He was going to die, and he didn't want her putting time and effort into a lost cause. Maybe she was right, _that's the problem._

While May seemed to be making peace with Coulson's decision, Daisy definitely wasn't. She wasn't speaking to him, not really. They'd talk about missions, how Yoyo was doing, but never anything personal. Which was why it was really weird for her to come in an announce, "You're a dumbass."

"Sorry?"

"I know you're like my superior and all, but I feel the need to let you know that you're a dumbass."

It was really hard for Phil to not laugh. "Why?"

Daisy scoffed. "Because you're allowing yourself to _die_ and you aren't being fair to the rest of us. You should have told us."

Coulson opened his mouth, but Daisy wasn't done. "And May..." She bit her lip, stopping. 

He froze at that, and tried very hard not to show too much emotion. He was _not_ going to make May do something she would regret, and he was not going to say anything to Daisy that would pass along the wrong message. 

"You're both idiots," Daisy decided, sitting down and promptly ignoring Phil. 

"Both?" Fuck, he was going to get himself in so much trouble. 

"Yeah, you and May are idiots." 

Oh. "Oh?"

She scoffed again. "You guys are on like a Fitzsimmons level of denying your feelings, and that took them ten years. You don't _have_ ten years anymore."

Well shit. It wasn't like Daisy didn't know, obviously she knew, even if it was just a guess. And it wasn't like Phil was denying his feelings or anything (yeah right), but it was just complicated. Stupidly complicated. The last guy May was in love with had been a serial killer, and now he, Phil, was dying. Not to mention the last time he acted on his feelings for May he romanced and then kissed a fucking robot. Not that there was any way that would happen again, but still. 

"Wow, nothing? Really?" Daisy rolled her eyes. "So you're the Fitz here, huh."

"What in the world does that mean?" Phil didn't really want to know, he knew the answer probably wouldn't be what he wanted to hear.

"You're the one who has feelings and knows they're there but doesn't do jack shit about it." She looked at him, then added, "Please don't fire me."

He sat down carefully. "I'm just glad you're talking to me." 

"Just talk to May." 

Daisy stood up and left, reminding the both of them that she was still mad and he was still dying.

Coulson looked down at his hands. "She doesn't want to talk."

~

"I think we're cursed."

Simmons looked up from her project. "Not you too. Fitz and I are married now, so I'm pretty sure the cosmos aren't trying to tear us apart."

Daisy rolled her eyes. "Not _that._ I just mean, you and Fitz finally actually figure your shit out, and then we've got two more people avoiding their feelings."

"Oh really? Who?"

"May and Coulson, they're being dumbasses."

Jemma's eyes widened, then she grinned. "Did they...say anything...?"

Daisy considered how she could answer. She hadn't exactly promised May she wouldn't say anything, but it was also pretty clear that she shouldn't. "I spoke to May, sort of."

"Are you being nosy?"

"Not really! May came to me. I'm just annoyed, because like Coulson's just _letting_ himself die, and he's not working shit out with May and just ughh, you know?" Daisy threw her hands up, glaring at Simmons when she laughed. "This is very serious, Mrs. Fitz."

"Okay, stick to Simmons."

"Fine."

Daisy sat with Simmons while she worked, not really paying attention. She mostly thought about May and Coulson, and how moronic both of them were. It was obvious based on her conversations with the both of them that they just needed to _talk,_ but that neither of them were going to initiate conversation. May obviously wouldn't, and Coulson just seemed scared. He wasn't as good at hiding his emotions as May; Daisy could tell exactly what he was thinking when she spoke to him earlier. Coulson loved May, it was obvious, but he was so sure that him dying had screwed whatever they were up. And he wasn't wrong exactly, him dying was screwing everything up, but not right away. Not so soon that Daisy or May had given up on him. 

~

It felt weird, walking around the Lighthouse without all the bustling hungry people from the future being ruled by blue men from space. Phil seemed to think it was satisfactory enough just to have more than seven people around, but May wasn't as easily consoled. Over 200 underground floors, and only 50 agents, at the most. There were some times she would wander onto a completely empty floor, no people, no life at all. 

It was just May's luck she'd end up on the one floor Phil was on, and no one else. She tried to back out of the room as soon as she saw him, but it was so quiet that her footsteps echoed over the entire floor. He looked up, and gave her a small smile. She returned it, mostly on instinct, and then moved further into the room. 

It seemed like it was supposed to be some sort of communal living space; there were bunk beds in one corner, then a small kitchen and living room area, equipped with couches and a TV. 

"It's weird, isn't it? It being this quiet?" 

"Yeah." So this is what it was going to be like. Acting normal, pretending that he was fine, that she wasn't begging him to find a way to live, to be with her. It was good, and it was terrible all at the same time.

"I spoke to Daisy."

May cleared her throat, working to not give too much away. "Oh?"

Coulson turned to her, his hands drumming against a table. "She's still mad, she probably will be for a while." 

"Gee, wonder why." It came out before she could stop herself. And although it probably stung, May could see Coulson remembering the academy, when she made comments like that all the time, regardless of the situation. When life was simpler.

"I guess I deserve that." 

It was so hard for her to not get mad, not to make a biting comment and yell and maybe punch something. But come on, "I guess I deserve that?" He could do better, he could do so much better than that. And for some reason, he just wasn't willing to at least try. "Why won't you try?"

He moved closer, standing four feet away instead of ten. "Try what?"

"Just try! Try to not die, try to...." May trailed off, feeing her voice on the verge of breaking. She took a deep breath. "Try to stay with us."

"I am-"

"No, you're not. Or else you would let us try to save you, you'd want to stay."

The four feet turned into three. "I do want to stay, I just..."

"You've given up." 

Phil grabbed her shoulders, and May noticed how she didn't flinch, didn't pull away. "I haven't given up."

"Prove it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was sufficient in wrapping it up somewhat. I realized that the show itself kind of did that for me, in s5 ep12, but I tried to add something more, sort of in between ep12 and ep13. Thank you so much for all the support and the kudos, please feel free to recommend more prompts.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you again to anyone who read, left kudos, and/or commented. I've gotten so many nice comments, which is very motivating tbh, so thank you to those people. 
> 
> Feedback is welcomed as usual, and so are any recommendations for stuff people want me to write. I have way too much time on my hands, so it's likely I'll write whatever you ask me to, if you feel so inclined.


End file.
